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Loving in the shape of Pears

Always and in everything, said the Teacher, honour the relationship above the practices. If things are OK at home, then generally they’ll be OK outside.

Had he taken his own advice the Teacher might well have avoided a multimillion dollar divorce settlement and years of acrimony, but is it not the experience of many who put themselves in the position of helping, healing or teaching others that it is much easier to dish out than to take?

Most relationships go pear-shaped from time to time. And some start, continue and finished pear-shaped, with those in it blaming each other or blaming themselves. Does it have to be anyone’s particular fault? Often the misunderstandings come out of, well, misunderstanding, that what I see is not always what you see, that what you say may not be what I hear, and that what I feel may not be what you feel.

Since the popularity of pre-nuptial agreements between the rich it has become fashionable to focus on the end of a relationship so that both parties know where they would stand financially. With Love a more powerful ingredient than money might it not be a good idea to give as much attention to the processes of detachment from the heart-connection as to the separation of the wallets?

Can we stay, could we have stayed, pair-shaped?
Going in to it and asking the meaning can bring clarity, relative if not absolute.
By acting with honour and integrity towards yourself, instead of trying to please by doing what you think the other wants, or saying what you think they want to hear.
Sometimes we are too scared to ask the meaning, to know the truth, to see the light - I remember years ago a friend telling me that when she caught her partner out in a lie, he had responded "D’you want romance, or the truth?"

How would YOU answer that?
Really?
Always and in everything?
Think about it.

This all spring dragon tea mind through the sad story of the ending of David and Gina’s relationship when they asked if I could say anything to help them come apart with grace and care.
This is for them.
For another closer it comes too late but what can I say but sorry. We too have to live with our regrets... excesses...ex-cesses...xc... there is much we would change, given our time again and is that not always and in almost everything?

Its not our fault, and we do not blame each other.
Harmony can be restored through peace-making and understanding.
We never meant to hurt.
We never meant to give expectations.
We had always good intentions, with which the road to hell is paved.

Letting go is probably quite simple (that word does not mean easy) were it not for the landmarks of love that seem to be around every corner when not actually hitting one in the face.

We can delete emails and addresses from the computer and numbers from the mobile: or ask ourselves why not. If for practical rather than emotional reasons, we could ask a mutual friend to act as "post office" before we delete.

How do we let go the threads of connection of being together, working together, playing together, teaching together, learning together, cooking eating sleeping waking wanking walking in the woods watching fireworks listening to music coming together?

How nice it would be to be so enlightened and evolved that healing was instantaneous but its not and we mortals playing out our Leela take each step in pain, the pain of surgery, cauterisation, healing.

What applies to Life can apply to Love:

As sure is death for the born
so sure is birth for the dead
like Joy like Grief
All things shall pass

Until the light can shine again

Aloha Mahalo, Mahalo Aloha


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